I knew I had a lot more going on in my noggin. I’m learning that the more I put my fingers on the keyboard, the better I feel. I’m currently listening to “Unstressed: How Somatic Awareness Can Transform Your Body’s Stress Response and Build Emotional Resilience” by Alane K. Daugherty, Ph.D. She notes that just placing your fingers on the keyboard and typing random things will start making connections and will result in clear thought.
I agree with Dr. Daugherty and utilize her concept when I wrote my blog about Recognizing Emotions. I had a lot going on in my head and opted to put my fingers on the keyboard. Frank Rogers, Ph.D., notes, “Unstressed explains the science and provides the skills for transforming the emotional chaos of stressfulness into resilience and well-being. It describes how mindfulness and heartfulness, working together, cultivate the calm and connection for which we all yearn….”
Dr. Rogers hit the nail on the head, which is a perfect example of my desire to seek a secluded place and appreciate the sounds of nature. It took a bit to find a comfortable place to sit and work on relaxing. I frequently mention breathwork; for me, it’s the quickest route to mindfulness. After I was able to calm my “Monkey Brain, “I could start taking in everything around me. I loved hearing the sounds of the rocks coming down the waterfall and running in the gulch. Seeing Eagles soaring overhead, the gentle warmth of the sun on my face, and my favorite, the sound of waves rolling up the beach and through the pebbles into the rocks.
The idea of the body-keeping score started to emerge last night as I tried to fall asleep, and my body let me know that it did not approve of the day’s activities. Sadly, I woke up this morning with nausea, slowly meandered downstairs, smoked some Electric Lettuce, and sat on the couch with the heating pad against my back. I’m not coming up with anything new when I talk about the body-keeping score. Quite some time ago, I listened to “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel A. van der Kolk.
I initially listened to it for the mental health aspect. However, it is ringing solidly in my head and body this morning.
Before I go any further, I must clarify that I am not a “shoulda, coulda, woulda” type of person. I wouldn’t change my past because I appreciate my present.
I keep thinking of my “sin tax” idea and how I am still paying the tab. I used long-distance running, cycling, and anything else I could to help quiet my brain and help me cope with the situation I was facing. I absolutely destroyed my body in an attempt to hide from decades of rough days.
I also utilized alcohol as my primary care provider rather than going to the Troop Medical Clinic, waiting an hour or more, and finally being seen and given a prescription of 800 mg of Motrin. Between my love of cooking at the time, my unstable marriage, lots of nut-crushing opportunities at work (I loved those drives in which my job was threatened for building a facility with a red roof), my need to maintain height/weight standards, and evening drinking to dull the pain (mentally and physically) then I was living in a shit storm of chaos.
It’s phenomenal, to say the least, as I sit here, typing all this out, looking at my past, and being thankful for my journey to better health.
I’ve been working hard on reducing my alcohol consumption and am down to one beer a day. I’ve also drastically changed my diet, eating a salad daily and significantly reducing my meat consumption. My ex pushed hard for these changes years ago. However, it was done in a “love if” form, and love was used to force my hand.
Coming to terms with issues, facing my past experiences, a better diet, stretching, breathwork, and as much activity as my body will tolerate have all helped get me to this place, I’m at now. I finally feel alive. As I typed out, “I finally feel alive,” I felt a sense of relief and joy in my heart. It’s beautiful being alive and finally taking in everything around me and living in the moment rather than planning a future to give me hope and avoid the moment.
Well, I feel better now. I also have the heating pad on high and have enjoyed a couple of smokes.
Thanks for being with me on this journey!
See you soon,
Joel
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